I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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