This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
