I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
