3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
