The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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