This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
