That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
