I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
