What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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