I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
