Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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