my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
