Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FUCK WHALES
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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