R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
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