I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
