I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
