Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
