i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it because I queefed?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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