it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize