Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
