You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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