i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
