Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
