I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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