and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
