we're blogging at a bar
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
