I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
