if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
