I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
