Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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