Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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