i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
