I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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