I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
