But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
