No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
