6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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