Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
