I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
