I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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