there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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