This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
