Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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