TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
