She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He? As in you personified your dick?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
