so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
