Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
