Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
