You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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