I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
