I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
